Melancholy – Reflective Blog Entry #3

This reflective blog entry deviates from the unit context and scope, though it still embodies the essence of it; introspection, reflection. I must warn you, some of the sentences/grammatical structures might be a bit ambiguous. It can be difficult to translate concepts of emotions into words on paper, or on a screen.

It’s curious how listening to specific music, specific songs can take you back to a different time. It could be the first time you listened to it or a pivotal moment that unfolded when the song was playing.

For me it was a recurring song that was played at our almost daily hang-outs (for lack of a better word) in the winter of last year. Though it feels as if that was in another life, another world. Everything is so much different now, nothing remained unchanged.

Looking back on it, it was another life, another world. Attitudes were different back then, my outlook, our outlook on the world. Our conversations sitting in front of the heater that lasted beyond the winter-sun breaking the clouds, sunrise. Our late night walks, illuminated by the city lights, avoiding the rain and cold wind. Our introspection, something that was alien to me. Still is. Unsettling. Though it’s something I’m always unconsciously finding myself doing.

The song still takes me back to that other world. I almost wish it wouldn’t as it conjures strange feelings (for lack of a better word, again), perturbing. Images of another life.

Even now, as I listen to the same playlist as I type this, I realise that it’s more than one song the provokes the same sense of wistful nostalgia.

Many of the lyrics in the songs almost coincide with the same unsettling feeling that they conjure.

I fail to convey what I feel into words, no amount of words really could encompass the spectrum of feelings that exist, at least not in the English language, to my knowledge. German is a good language for conveying feelings, one particular word, sehnsucht, translates to longing in English but in no-way-shape-or-form justifies the power the word has in the German language.

The only method of expression that comes close, I found, is photography. An example of such is my photo accompanying the article. A while back I did not consciously realise that my photography had taken turn in style, it naturally got darker as the expression started to show through. I didn’t completely realise, myself, until a friend noticed the dark turn and sent me a message regarding the change. She thoughtfully offered an opportunity to talk about it.

I’m deviating from where I started with the article. It, however, supports the intention of it, introspective. Feelings are not linear, they’re not essays nor reports. There’s no set structure on how they are created and destroyed, the way they materialise and fade away, like ghosts in snow, conforms to no standard.

There’s a particular song with a verse that strikes me. Hope’s a dangerous thing – Untitled by The Architects. Oh, so it is.

Music is human expression, well good music (BIAS!). It’s interesting how another individual’s expression (the musician) about a particular concept, when perceived by another individual (the listener), becomes their own expression about a particular concept. It forms a sort of emotive bond between the two individuals and furthermore can be extrapolated to other individuals. Thinking about that, makes it very unique. Inside everyone’s mind exists their own subset of feelings and memories that are conjured by a song. It’s their own little world, their own fire, theirs.

Wistful, saudade, sorrow, longing, yearning, sehnsucht, pensive, melancholy, mournful.

I realise that writing down a single word or a plethora of pages still possesses the same sense of futility.

Nothing will come close to reliving those moments or bringing her back. Nothing can, it’s beyond the laws of nature.

It’s indescribably bitter-sweet to look at the photos we took back then.

I long for the darker, cooler weather. My mind feels more at peace in winter, this hot, bright summer is too contrasting. I think I should stop now. I will be back, soon.

I hope you are well, wherever you may be.

Error Four O Four – feelings not found.

 

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